Ideal Living Environments Enrich Relationships

I just put my older son back on a plane to return to college.  I feel so fortunate that he and his younger brother are very close and miss each other when they are apart.  I was thinking last night about the homes the boys lived in as they grew up and how the neighborhoods and floor plans may have affected their relationships.

In St. Louis, the boys were around 2 and 4 years old.  We lived in a ranch with one open living/dining/kitchen area where the boys played while I cooked dinner or read the paper.  Their bedrooms were adjacent to ours and they had to pass by our door to get to the family room so we could keep tabs on them. We also had a deck and fenced backyard that they really didn't use much.  The neighborhood was true suburban bedroom community with wide streets and no sidewalks. It was very quiet during the day when everyone was at work and no parent would let their kid ride a bike or play in the street for fear of them being run down. We drove to activities and enjoyed the St. Louis Botanical Garden, the City Museum, Zoo, and many summer days at a nearby pool.  The lack of interaction in the neighborhood resulted in our family being more tightly knit as the boys were their own best playmates.

The floor plan of the house in the Seattle area probably had the greatest affect on the boys' relationship.  They were 5 and 7 years old when we moved there. The house was in a suburban neighborhood of about 40 homes all in a loop with a narrower street and sidewalks - a design that encouraged people to interact.  The neighborhood was bounded by a retirement community, a main road, an elementary school, and a junior high school. There was plenty of room for the boys to run and explore with other neighborhood kids. We knew our neighbors and everyone looked out for each others kids - all ages played together.

The Seattle house was our first two story home.  This home also had an open family room/kitchen layout - great for family time. Upstairs, the boys' rooms each opened to the hall and also to their bathroom (a Jack & Jill bath).  The only way into their bathroom was through one of their rooms.  They planned and held secret nighttime meetings in their bathroom to solve their world's problems.  I really don't know what they discussed and during those meetings, but I am absolutely certain the floor plan of that house encouraged their close relationship that has continued to this day.

When we moved to Charleston, I looked for a neighborhood and home that would match the Seattle house and found Seaside Farms. Seaside Farms has about 400 single family homes, plus condominiums and apartments, a retirement community, a number of lakes with paved trails for walking, a playground, neighborhood pool, and a grocery, fitness center, and a number of other shops and restaurants within easy walking distance of the homes. By this move, the boys were 8 and 10 years old and we were feeling a need for more space as a family and individuals.  Our bedroom was downstairs and the boys had the run of the upstairs.  The upstairs landing was open to the great room and their evening meetings were a challenge as noise carried throughout the house. If anyone was watching television in the family room, everyone had to listen to the show. As the boys became teenagers, they really needed a true family room where they could hang out with friends, and we needed a quiet space to read and relax.  I finally understood why some people have homes with a formal living room and family room -- something we had not wanted or needed until the teen years.

We did enjoy the Seaside Farms community.  We could walk to the grocery for eggs or milk.  The coffeeshop owner and several other shopkeepers lived in the neighborhood. It was nice to know people and be known among people in the community.  Our older son got his first job making pizza and could walk to and from work. The walkability of the neighborhood encouraged interaction among homeowners. We had annual Fourth of July parades that wound through the retirement community, and the retirement community allowed the neighborhood to hold meetings in their chapel. Seaside was a small town within a larger city and we greatly enjoyed living there.

Neighborhood and style of the home you live in greatly affect how your family interacts and how you interact with your neighborhood and community -- the experiences you have and how you feel about where you live.  When looking for a new community or home, I encourage people to reflect on the activities they enjoy and the way they like to interact with others to help define and understand the living environment that would best suit them.When you make your next move, really look at the neighborhoods and see how they fit you and then look at the floor plans of the homes and see how they fit.  Do you like an open floorplan that encourages family together time but need that one room for quiet space?  What are your favorite past times and where are they located relative to the neighborhood and house?  How far is it to work - both distance and commute time?  Some people don't mind a long commute as they listen to their favorite radio show or audio book and appreciate a good distance between them and their work.  Others want the shortest commute possible and enjoy living, working, and playing close to home.  Each individual and family has to define their best living environment.  Finding the right fit will enrich your life and that of your community, just as it enriched the very satifying relationship between my sons.